Alone with You
by Pafoof
Summary: Ianto knew Jack was no good for him but every time they were alone he lost the argument hopelessly


I don't see you laugh

You don't call me back

But you kiss me when you're drunk

Ianto has suffered a lot of self hatred in his life. He hated that his dad couldn't like him. He used to loathe himself because he couldn't be the son his dad wanted him to be. After his dad died he hated that he liked boys. That men could make him come undone just as well as any woman. He hated it every time he spotted a man on campus that made his heart rate speed up. Then Lisa cleared that up and he could live with himself for awhile before cybermen came to fuck that up too. Lisa became irreparable and he hated himself worse than ever before. He hated lying to a team of people who were exhausted and cared about him more than anyone in his life that he had. He hated that he couldn't let someone who was beyond saving go. He hated that Jack had to threaten his life before he let her go.

He really hated that Jack threatened him, and that it made him slightly aroused when he did.

Jack was everything Ianto has wanted in a man since he figured out he liked men at all. He was so confident yet easy going. He could be a fierce boss and Ianto imagined he could be quite a gentle lover. Not that he would know since they never made love, they only fucked. They never laid in bed late at night and laughed softly at inside jokes. They never laughed and played in the shower. They never really had any gentle moments. Jack had come back from hell and his heart showed it. He appreciated Ianto and maybe the sex wasn't as desperate as it used to be but it certainly wasn't what it should be after sleeping together for so long. Ianto had hurt an awful lot while he was gone but he had healed as well and he was ready to give a relationship another try with someone. The problem was that Jack didn't seem to be on his level this time.

I don't know your friends

Don't know where you've been

Why are you the one I want.

Ianto always had a rule about the people he dated, particularly the men. While he liked men he infinitely trusted them much less than he did women. His rule was that he had to know the person pretty damn well before he went anywhere near their bed. Jack Harkness was a pretty big exception to that rule. Ianto used to comfort himself by saying that he got to know Jack by small comments he made in the bedroom. But after John Hart came Ianto had to face the reality, that the man he was more than half in love with was a mystery to him. He didn't know where Jack came from or who he had known before the team around them. He didn't know who Jack had slept with or laughed over beers with. It made utterly no sense that Jack would be the man he wanted when he knew nothing about him at all.

"Ianto quit thinking, you're giving me a headache. Just relax into the moment" Jack muttered while sealing his mouth over Ianto's. Ianto smiled and kissed Jack back eagerly, nipping at Jack's bottom lip tenderly. He broke away and glanced at the clock over the TV, it was far too late for them to still be awake. They needed to make a serious effort to go to sleep if they wanted to be able to function tomorrow.

Ianto stood up and stretched and Jack followed while switching off the telly. Ianto sighed and turned to face Jack.

"I wish we could be normal adults and not have a bed time once in awhile." Jack chuckled and looped his arms around Ianto.

"Responsible adults do have a bed time though. It's called kids exhausting them." Ianto rolled his eyes and then promptly closed them as Jack slid his tongue into Ianto's mouth. The kiss stretched on and Ianto gently tugged him forwards toward the stairs. Ianto felt Jack smile.

"I can't stay Ianto." Ianto pulled back abruptly and took a step away as well.

"Right, of course you can't. See you in the morning" Jack wouldn't meet his eyes as he left.

Don't put your lips against my mouth and tell me you can't stay

Don't slip your hand under my shirt and tell me "It's okay"

Don't say it doesn't matter cause it's gonna matter to me

I can't be alone with you.

"What?" Jack sounded baffled and Ianto think it may kill him to stop but he is putting space between them which is progress. Jack had gotten off his waistcoat and had his shirt unbuttoned before Ianto had decided that enough was enough.

"I have a rule, I've been breaking it." Jack huffed loudly and paced around a little.

"What are you talking about? Is this another OCD thing because Ianto I really want to fuck you right now and it isn't nice to start what you aren't going to finish." Ianto flushed and started buttoning his shirt back up.

"I don't know you and I know that we all say it. I know Gwen gets right indignant about it but don't you think it hurts me the most considering what we do several times a day? I never sleep with people I don't know. I know it's not worth it because there' s no commitment and I happen to be the committed sort." He jumped when Jack's hands were back on his chest.

"Ianto, it's okay to have fun once in awhile. It's okay..." Ianto groaned as Jack tweaked a nipple between his thumb and fore finger through his shirt.

You've got me out on the edge every time you call

And I know it would kill me if I fall

I can't be alone with you.

"Ianto," Jack's voice was rough sounding over the phone in the middle of the night. Ianto switched on a light and blinked into the sudden brightness.

"Jack? What is it?"

"Please come over, I can't deal with this alone. I know you're mad but please.." Ianto scrambled to pull some pants on.

"Be there in five, just hang on love." Ianto hung up before the term of endearment could be commented on. He dashed outside and jumped in his car. He ran three red lights to get to the Hub in two and a half minutes. It seemed to take an eternity to get past all the security and into Jack's bunker. When he got there he had to freeze in his tracks. Jack laid on his small bunker curled up so that it looked large. His breathing was shallow and his eyes were unfocused. He was muttering to himself while sweat rolled off of him. Ianto turned on a light which made the captain start violently and sit up to stare at Ianto blankly. Ianto gently took his hands and led him to the shower.

"C'mon, let's go clean the demons off okay? In you get Jack..." Ianto undressed the captain and leaned against the door as Jack showered. He knew he was so close to falling. He could feel it, the way he cared and when he was with him the rest of the world didn't matter at all. It was dangerous to revolve your life around someone but it was also wonderful.

An hour later Jack was dressed and seated on the edge of his bunk. Ianto knelt behind him and was toweling his hair dry and rubbing his back alternately. Jack head hung and he seemed much more relaxed.

"I think you may be right." Ianto started but quickly resumed his task.

"About what? That you should invest in a proper bed? Well I could have told you that." Jack huffed a laugh but shook his head.

"Maybe I should stop sleeping with you." Ianto froze and clenched his jaw to keep tears away. The one and only perk Ianto figured could come from such a lack of commitment was that he couldn't get dumped. That he wouldn't know the pain of it ending but it turned out he could be wrong. Clearly you could be let go of even if there was not heart and soul invested, well at least none on the other person's part. It felt as though the breath had been taken from him and from the last year he knew how exactly to get his breath back. He shoved Jack back into the pillows and kissed him senseless. Damn the consequences


End file.
